Category: relationships-family, marriage, parenting

YOUR KID DID WHAT? -a book review

“Your Kid Did What?” by Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC, is a candid memoir and guide for parents facing unexpected challenges with their children’s choices. Through personal experiences, Paula offers practical strategies and faith-based insights for coping with difficult situations, emphasizing self-care, establishing boundaries, and seeking support.

YOUR KID DID WHAT?

Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough

By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC

Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.

Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.

Paula’s personal story

Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.

In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.

She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.

She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.

Paula’s insights and recommendations

In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.

She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.

“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”

In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.

Written with a Faith-based Perspective

This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.

Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link

A Personal Connection

Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.

I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”

I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.

  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
  • Be willing to adapt and change.
  • Be prepared for difficult conversations.
  • Listen to the Lord.

Early in the book she writes

I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.

These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.

We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.

The author-Paula Lau

Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.

Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.

In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.

Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.

Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.

Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.

Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.

Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.

You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com

Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL

Printed by Camden House Books

Distributed by getmynewbook.com

Sources for Scripture

In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.

YouVersion

Exploring the HEART of Health

Thanks for reading this post and for sharing. If you don’t need this help, likely someone you know does.

This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

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Watercress by Andrea Wang- a book review

In this post I review “Watercress,” a children’s book by Andrea Wang. It tells the story of a girl who feels embarrassed when her family stops to pick watercress during a drive. Through a meal and her parents’ memories, she gains appreciation for her heritage and family. Illustrated by Jason Chin, it explores cultural identity and belonging. This is a book children and their parents will equally appreciate.

Watercress

(Spanish) Berros

By Andrea Wang

Illustrated by Jason Chin
  • Caldecott Medal Winner, 2022
  • Newbery Honor Book
  • APALA Award Winner

The story

Out for a drive with her parents and brother, a young girl gets irritated when they suddenly stop, pull over, and pile out of the car to pick wild watercress growing in a stream beside the highway.

“Watercress” they (her parents) exclaim, two voices heavy with emotion. 

As they wade in cold, muddy water to pick “weeds”, she hopes no one she knows drives by and sees her. They head home and she grows more resentful after her mother cooks the watercress for them to eat. She doesn’t want to eat “dinner from a ditch.”

But with dinner, comes a photo and a story about her parents’ life in China, before they emigrated to the United States. From the story, the girl finds a new appreciation for her family, and for watercress.

“I take a bite of watercress and it bites back with its spicey peppery taste. It is delicate and slightly bitter, like mom’s memories.”

Watercress

Click here to take a look at Watercress

Andrea Wang -Author

As you may have guessed from her name, Ms. Wang’s family is from China, and this story is autobiographical, as she explains in her author’s note.

“This story is both an apology and a love letter to my parents.”

Andrea Yang

Her work explores culture, creative thinking, and identity. Her debut middle-grade novel, The Many Meanings of Meilan, is also a JLG Gold Standard Selection. She is also the author of seven nonfiction titles for the library and school market. Andrea holds an M.S. in Environmental Science and an M.F.A. in Creative Writing for Young People. She lives in the Denver area with her family. 

other books by Andrea Wang

What’s Great about Georgia?
Learning about Asia (Searchlight Books ™ ― Do You Know the Continents?

Jason Chin-Illustrator

The artist, also the child of Chinese immigrants, wrote in his note

“When I was painting, I drew on my own memories of exclusion, loss, and guilt with the hope that they might seep into the art and add another layer to Andrea’s remarkable story.”

Jason Chin

Caldecott Medalist Jason Chin is the author and illustrator of numerous award-winning picture books. Jason lives in Vermont with his wife, Deirdre Gill, and their two children.

books authored and illustrated by Jason

Gravity
Your Place in the Universe

Why I recommend Watercress

I had never heard of this book when I stumbled upon it in a bookstore. I’m always interested in anything written about watercress, even though despite the title it’s not the topic of this blog. As I perused the pictures and read the story, I was captivated by both the story and the illustrations.

If you come from a family that makes you “different” than the people you live around, you will understand why the young girl in this story dislikes watercress so much. But by learning the reason for her parents’ “voices heavy with emotion” she came to understand that differences are what make us who we are and sharing difficult and painful histories make families who they are and bring us closer together.

The storyline is simple, straightforward, and easy to understand. This is a children’s book recommended for ages 6-9 years, but older children, teens, and adults can enjoy and learn from it.

Mr. Chin explains he used watercolor in both Chinese and Western techniques creating illustrations with soft muted colors and detailed facial expressions that almost appear to be photos. Some details tell a story in themselves- an American flag on a barn on the highway, a framed picture of the parents in China, and the girl’s tee shirt with the word PLAY across the front.

This book touches your mind and heart with a timeless lesson we all need to learn and be reminded of. Like the watercress plant, it is short but nurturing and powerful. Introduce this book to your children and yourself.

Exploring the HEART of Health

I’d love for you to follow this blog and follow me on social media.

I share information and inspiration to help you transform challenges into opportunities for learning and growth.

Add your name to the subscribe box to be notified of new posts by email. Click the link to read the post and browse other content. It’s that simple. No spam.

I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha

Before you leave, check out my post about watercress at this link

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