Tag: physician-patient communication

3 Keys to Effective Communication with your Doctor

Learn how effective communication between doctors and patients emproves patient engagement and healthcare outcomes. Building connections through active listening and mutual understanding can empowers you to take an active role in healthcare decisions.

updated January 29, 2026

Do you feel heard after leaving your doctor’s office? Do you feel you understand what the doctor said to you?

Surveys suggest doctors and patients often fail to communicate effectively, so public and private medical organizations have implemented programs to improve “patient engagement”. But what exactly does that mean?

doctor talking to a woman
photo compliments the American Academy of Family Physicians

A failure to communicate

Patients may feel that doctors ignore their questions, dismiss their concerns, don’t listen to them, don’t spend enough time with them, and don’t use language they can understand.

Physicians wonder why patients withhold important health information, fail to follow up with recommendations, and don’t ask questions or express their concerns.

The main problem with health care communication is that it involves people- and people frequently communicate poorly, and sometimes not at all. It never will be perfect. But we can do better.

So what is true patient engagement anyway?

Dr. Rob Lamberts writes

“Engagement is about interaction, listening, and learning in relationship to another person.”

Barbara Ficarra, R.N., puts it this way:

“Patient engagement is a connection between patient, caregiver and health care provider.

Patients and their families are empowered and they are active in health care decisions.

Those patients and consumers who choose to be actively involved and in charge of their health work together with their health care providers to successfully reach their health goals and needs. “

Why try to communicate better?

To make healthcare interactions more effective, efficient, and empowering, doctors and patients need to develop skills that may differ from what they have done in the past.

Communication is a connection allowing access between persons

doctor holds patient's hand
on a mission trip to Mexico; photo by Brian Edgerton

From Connection to Communication

If we try to start exchanging information, thoughts, and feelings before we connect, it is likely to be unsatisfactory.

For example- think about a recent retail service experience – one that worked and one that didn’t. Perhaps it was a call to customer service for a phone service problem. Or maybe you spoke with a salesperson at a car dealership.

Whatever the situation, and outcome, you probably rated it more favorably if you felt connected with the person helping you.

When I called my medical insurance carrier to resolve some unpaid claims I dreaded the call, expecting a difficult unpleasant conversation.

But the representative was professional, efficient, and confident. She started immediately by telling me her name and position, then asked me my name.

Next, she accessed and reviewed my account, giving me feedback about what she found. Then we started working on my problem and continued until it was resolved.

I was surprised to have the situation taken care of efficiently. And in doing so, I felt empowered.

In dealing with others be willing to be frank , flexible, and forgiving.

Connection-Who

Customer service depends on connecting, and that usually starts with knowing who you are dealing with. The first item we exchange in any human interaction is usually our name.

Dr. Oglesby nametag

You should learn your doctor’s name and credentials- MD, D.O., and specialty- internal medicine, cardiology, psychiatry, etc., what kind of doctor are they?

What is this doctor’s role in your care? Is this doctor primary or a consultant, and what issues are each managing? (especially in a hospital situation)

Tell your doctor what name you prefer to be called if it’s different than the name on file. Your doctor should know who is your legal next of kin or who has POA (power of attorney if applicable)

Introduce other family and friends and identify the primary contact person; this first level of receiving and giving information, is especially important in the hospital setting. This will create continuity as the doctor speaks to the same person every day.

If you take a friend or relative to your doctor’s office with you, make sure they understand what their role is. Your family’s insights and observations provide helpful information to supplement what your doctor learns from you. They can help you remember and understand answers and instructions. But this isn’t a time for them to discuss their own medical issues with the doctor.

Connection-Where

Where you interact with your doctor is important as interaction may be quite different in a private office setting vs an urgent care clinic vs an emergency room vs in a hospital. But general principles apply to all settings.

Approaching others with generosity, grace, and gratitude makes it easier to connect.

EMERGENCY-sign
Photo by Pixabay

Ideally it should be as comfortable as possible, private, and quiet, so you can hear and see each other well.

Friendly greetings are fine anytime you encounter your doctor, but discussions of personal medical information don’t belong in the hallway, elevator, or cafeteria. Likewise, if you run into your doctor at church or the grocery, just say hello.

Connection-How

Come to an office visit prepared. If you have test results, previous medical records, xrays, etc. bring them with you or request they be sent. With electronic medical records, this is quicker and more efficient for medical offices.

An up-to-date list of all medications you take is a must- include names, dosage, and how often taken; better yet, bring the meds with you. Include non-prescription drugs, supplements, vitamins.

Turn off your phone.

Ask the office how long the appointment is for, realizing that it will only be an estimate; it will depend on what you and the doctor end up discussing and what you need.

Showing up on time helps the office keep to their schedule and shows the doctor you are serious about your care and respectful of other patients’ time.

(If the office is consistently poor at time management, address it respectfully; sometimes it is best to move on if this continues to be an issue that bothers you.)

Most hospitals and clinics have abandoned paper charts for computers, using electronic health or medical records- EHRs or EMRs. Computer use in the exam room or bedside has changed the dynamic between doctors and patients in ways that were unexpected and challenging. Here is the link to a post I did addressing the issue of

Electronic Health Records- Challenges and Changes

Stethoscope on the keyboard of a laptop

The Value of Connection

Connecting with your physician depends on acknowledging feelings- worry, fear, despair, hope, relief, anger, resentment, frustration. Give feedback respectfully; if anything about your care is not as expected, or doesn’t seem appropriate, or you just don’t understand something, speak up.

Expressing feelings honestly and respectfully, and listening with empathy and respect can build trust and a connection for effective information exchange – communication.

a male doctor talking to a middle aged woman
Dr. Weinkle with a patient

Dr. Jonathan Weinkle discusses connection and relationships in his book

HEALING PEOPLE NOT PATIENTS: Creating Authentic Relationships in Modern Healthcare

which I reviewed at this link.

Awareness and Application

Considering your interactions with your primary health care practioner, how do you rate the effectiveness of the communication? How satisfied are you with this?

What is the best aspect of your communication? What is the worst?

How will you use these ideas to maintain or improve the quality of your interactions with this and other providers?

Exploring the HEART of Communication

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Dr. Aletha
Dr. Aletha talking to a mother and her son
Talking to a patient through an interpreter makes communication extra challenging. (photo from a volunteer medical trip to Ecuador)
Explore this Site

How do you want to die?

If, like me, you don’t listen to rap often, you may need to watch this video more than once to get the message. Dr. Zubin Damania, aka ZDoggMD, is a “physician, off-white rapper, and purveyor of the finest medical satire.” In this video and others he uses unconventional means to educate and inform about important health issues. This video caught my attention and I hope it does yours also.

We, meaning doctors and patients, care much about how we live, but often give little attention to how we die. But death, after birth, is the single thing we all share as humans. Still, we live like it’s not going to happen, or act surprised when it does.

 

Fewer than 10% of persons with sudden cardiac arrest survive.
Fewer than 10% of persons with sudden cardiac arrest survive.
Death should never be welcome, and it will never be easy, but sometimes it is more horrible than it has to be because no one planned for it. No one asked the hard questions-

“What if you are diagnosed with a terminal illness?”

“What if you can no longer swallow or eat on your own?”

“What if you cannot breath unassisted?”

“What if you are no longer competent to make your own medical decisions?”

 

End of life planning is not synonymous with ending care or euthanasia. It is about providing comfort, controlling pain and other symptoms and supporting family. It’s about deciding ahead of time how you want to spend the last few months, weeks, days or hours of your life.

End of life care is often provided through hospice services. 

No matter how young or old you are ,it is important to consider these things, because unexpected illness and injury can happen to anyone. There are two things to do-

 

Talk- to your family about what you want. If you  already have a life threatening condition, talk to your doctors.

Write- down what you want. This is usually in the form of an advanced directive, living will or medical power of attorney. You can learn how to do this here.

 

“Advance directives are discussions or written statements which convey a person’s wishes to his or her family and physician in the event that he or she becomes unable to discuss such matters. They may

1. explain the individual’s values about health, life and death;

2. give directions to family and physician about treatment goals or the use or non-use of specific treatment modalities; or

3.  designate a surrogate to make decisions on behalf of the individual.

After completing an advance directive, the individual should discuss its content and meaning with his or her family, surrogate, and physician. Individuals should review their advance directives periodically to assure that they accurately reflect their current values and wishes.”(CMDA Ethics Statement)

My husband and I  have advance directives,and we discuss our wishes with each other periodically to confirm what our current  plans are. We both prefer to forgo aggressive treatments which are likely to be futile, but you may feel differently; it is important for your family to know.

 

 

 

It is also important to understand what your physician thinks and believes about end of life care, and how those beliefs affect one’s medical practice. Ideally, you and your doctor will agree on expectations and if not, it may be best to seek care elsewhere.

 

“Clinicians should examine carefully the verbal and written wishes expressed by their patients. They should be willing to follow these wishes provided they do not conflict with the clinician’s personal moral or religious values. If such a conflict exists, the clinician should discuss it with the patient and transfer care if the conflict cannot be resolved. ” (CMDA Ethics Statement)

 

 

“It always seems too soon until it’s too late. Talk about your end of life wishes now with those you love.” ZDoggMD

 

For further reading-

 How Doctors Die

Advance Directives and Do Not Resuscitate Orders.

 

“The End-of-Life Handbook” A Compassionate Guide to Connecting with and Caring for a Dying Loved One

(an affiliate link which pays this blog a commission for your purchase; thanks)

“This book address both the emotional and psychological issues associated with death and dying and the practical and medical realities typically dealt with at this time-unusual among titles in this subject area.

The authors, a psychologist and medical doctor, are passionate advocates for quality end-of-life care. Author Feldman’s background in positive psychology brings an emphasis on hope, inspiration, meaning, and human connection at the end of life to the book.

As medical technology progresses and life expectancies edge upward, families are being faced with ever-more-complicated choices as loved ones approach their final hours. This book offers readers much-needed guidance and support for making these often difficult decisions.”