Category: books, literature, arts

YOUR KID DID WHAT? -a book review

“Your Kid Did What?” by Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC, is a candid memoir and guide for parents facing unexpected challenges with their children’s choices. Through personal experiences, Paula offers practical strategies and faith-based insights for coping with difficult situations, emphasizing self-care, establishing boundaries, and seeking support.

YOUR KID DID WHAT?

Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough

By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC

Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.

Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.

Paula’s personal story

Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.

In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.

She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.

She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.

Paula’s insights and recommendations

In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.

She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.

“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”

In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.

Written with a Faith-based Perspective

This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.

Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link

A Personal Connection

Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.

I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”

I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.

  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
  • Be willing to adapt and change.
  • Be prepared for difficult conversations.
  • Listen to the Lord.

Early In the book she writes

I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.

These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.

We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.

The author-Paula Lau

Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.

Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.

In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.

Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.

Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.

Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.

Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.

Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.

You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com

Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL

Printed by Camden House Books

Distributed by getmynewbook.com

Sources for Scripture

In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.

YouVersion

Exploring the HEART of Health

Thanks for reading this post and for sharing. If you don’t need this help, likely someone you know does.

This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

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Unsung Heroes-honoring mothers past and present

Mother’s Day is a widely celebrated occasion, with significant spending on gifts, meals, and travel. Notable mothers in leadership roles are changing the landscape. The movie “Unsung Hero” tells an inspiring story about a mother of seven who rebuilt her life in the face of adversity. Genealogical research and DNA testing offer valuable insights into family history and health.

Updated May 5, 2025

Many countries around the world have a day dedicated to honoring mothers. In the United States, that day occurs annually on the second Sunday in May. The day is so widely observed that May is almost synonymous with Mother’s Day.

“Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the women who play a meaningful role in our lives,…”

NRF President and CEO Matthew Shay

Considering spending on gifts, meals, and travel, Mother’s Day is big business. “Mother’s Day spending is expected to reach $33.5 billion this year, (2024) according to the annual consumer survey released by the National Retail Federation and Prosper Insights & Analytics. The figure is the second highest recorded, following the 2023 record $35.7 billion. ” 

Mothers Who Lead

Melania Trump became First Lady in 2017 and in 2025. She is the mother of a son, Barron Trump, and stepmother to President Donald Trump’s other adult children.

First Lady Melania Trump visits The Children’s Inn at NIH-public domain

In 2024, the Vice President was a mother, a first in United States history. Former Vice President Kamala Harris is the first woman to hold that office. She is stepmother to the two children of her husband, former Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff (also a first).

U.S. Senator Kamala Harris signing holiday cards for servicemembers, November 2018. Photo credit: U.S. Congress

Former First Lady Jill Biden is both a stepmother and a mother. When she married President Joe Biden (then a Senator), he was a widower whose wife and daughter had died in a tragic automobile accident. She helped him raise his two sons and they have a daughter together.

First Lady of the United States Dr. Jill Biden and Deputy Secretary of Defense Dr. Kathleen Hicks visit Fort Drum, NY, January 30, 2023. (U.S. Army photos by Spc. Kasimir Jackson)

There are mothers on the Supreme Court. Justice Amy Coney Barrett has seven children, two of whom she and her husband adopted. The newest on the Court, Justice Ketanji Jackson has two daughters with her surgeon husband.

Justice Amy Coney Barrett . (Official White House Photo by Andrea Hanks)
Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson. (Official U.S. Senate photo by Rebecca Hammel)

Unsung Hero-the movie

I recently saw a new movie about a true story. Helen, a mother of six, lived in Australia with her concert promoter husband David.

She was pregnant with their seventh child when David’s business went bankrupt and they lost their large luxurious home. After several business leads fell through, they immigrated to the United States to start over, literally with nothing.

The movie convincingly portrays David’s anger, despair, and embarrassment that his business failure made his family destitute, for which he blamed himself. Meanwhile, Helen remained optimistic, clinging to her strong Christian faith, creating a warm loving home, and nurturing her children despite their lack of material possessions.

With sacrifice, hard work, prayer, and support from friends and their church, David slowly rebuilt a successful business, and all the children have built thriving, creative careers. Three of them are now well-known recording artists, which is how I learned about this movie.

Two of their sons, Joel and Luke, sing together as a “Christian pop” duo they call For King and Country.  My husband and I attended their concert which was quite a production of sound, lights, and energy, as you can see from the photos I’m sharing.

photos by Dr Aletha at the BOK Center in Tulsa, OK

During the show, they introduced the movie, Unsung Hero, about their parents, Helen and David Smallbone.  Joel and Luke produced the film which Joel directed and played the part of his own father! (Spoiler alert, their sister, singer Rebecca St. James, has a cameo role in the film.)

We were intrigued and decided to see the film when it was released. We did and were not disappointed. It would make a remarkable story even if it weren’t true. You can find it on a streaming platform.

The Extraordinary Adventure of a Mum and Her Family 

After seeing the movie, I had to read the story behind it. In the book Behind the Lights: The Extraordinary Adventure of a Mum and Her Family, Helen Smallbone relates the struggles, setbacks, and eventual success her family went through to where they are today.

In this candid and revealing memoir, she describes how she trusted God no matter how dire the circumstances looked so that even in the darkest times their faith grew and as a family, they learned to depend on God and each other.

“Helen Smallbone’s heartfelt story illustrates what it means to really let God lead, which almost always means living outside the box of how the world says to live.

How did an ordinary Australian family produce two Grammy Award-winning artists—Rebecca St. James and FOR KING & COUNTRY? What happened to bring the Smallbones through closed doors and to new beginnings in the United States?

In Behind the Lights, Helen shares not only these stories of her family but of the life lessons they all learned along the way.” (Amazon affiliate link)

Listen to a sample from the audiobook here.

Unknown Mothers-Genealogy

I read an interesting statistic the other day. I don’t remember the source, but it claims that many people do not know the names of their four grandparents and even fewer know their eight great-grandparents.

That surprised me because even though I never met any of my grandparents, I at least knew their names. And thanks to genealogy research, now I know the names of my great-grandparents. I am a novice at genealogical research, but the more I do, the more fascinating it is.

If you want to know more about your ancestors, start now with your oldest living relatives; you don’t know how much longer they will be around and once they die their information is lost. Also, talk to younger relatives who may know more than you think.

Record and store everything you learn in a safe place.

pedigree-chart-modern-treeDownload

Genealogical information is easier to find now with the help of the internet, but not all information is reliable so you need to cross-check names and dates carefully. You can always use an all-purpose search engine like Google or Bing but sites specific for genealogy are more useful. Some of these are

Some genealogy sites are free, some offer a free trial, and some are free with optional upgrades.

DNA testing

Genetic genealogy creates family history profiles (biological relationships between or among individuals) using DNA test results combined with traditional genealogical methods. With DNA testing, genetic genealogy can determine the levels and types of biological relationships between or among individuals.

ILLUSTRATION OF DNA, Credit: Darryl Leja, NHGRI

This branch of genetics has become popular, as costs are drastically reduced making genealogical studies using molecular techniques accessible to the general public. The advantages of including DNA, instead of only using traditional genealogical research, include

  • the ability for researchers to extend their ancestry beyond the paperwork of recent centuries, and
  • to construct ancient pedigrees through molecular evolutionary studies.

Genealogists also use DNA to solve mysteries in their immediate families, such as to discover the biological parents of adoptees or to determine the accurate male ancestor in a non-paternity event (NPE).

Before taking a DNA test, consider the research question that you want to answer and learn about the different tests and companies that are available to choose from.

Mother’s Day

Whether you are reading this post on Mother’s Day or not, I hope you appreciate the mothers who impact your life, including those who are not biological relatives.

If you are a mother, consider leaving your descendants information about your ancestors to make their future genealogical searches easier, especially about family medical history that might impact their health.

A family health history can identify people with a higher-than-usual chance of having common disorders, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, certain cancers, and type 2 diabetes. These complex disorders are influenced by a combination of genetic factors, environmental conditions, and lifestyle choices. A family history also can provide information about the risk of rarer conditions caused by variants (mutations) in a single gene, such as cystic fibrosis and sickle cell disease.

We can thank science for these tools, which help us anticipate and prevent disease and premature death and identify the “unsung heroes” from our genetic past.

Exploring the HEART of Health

I’d love for you to follow this blog. I share information and inspiration to help you turn health challenges into health opportunities.

Add your name to the subscribe box to be notified of new posts by email. Click the link to read the post and browse other content. It’s that simple. No spam.

I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha

Raymond and I at the For King and Country concert

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