Effective Strategies for Parenting Anxious Kids and Teens

In “Your Kid Did What?” Paula Lau discusses navigating parenting challenges. In this post I share her insights on anxiety, a normal part of life, especially for teens. Parents should engage in open conversations, share personal experiences, and allow children to face their fears to foster resilience.

In a recent post, I reviewed a new book, Your Kid Did What? by licensed counselor Paula Lau, LPC.

In the book subtitled “Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough” Paula revealed her anguish when faced with an unexpected life choice by her adult son. She shared how she used her Christian faith and training as a professional counselor to regain peace of mind and hope for the future.

Paula has been sharing parenting insights on Facebook and Instagram and she writes articles for local publications. I am sharing information from one of those articles with her permission in this post.

Paula Lau at a book signing

Adapted from The Anxiety Beast

by Paula M. Lau, LPC

It is not unusual to hear kids say they are “anxious” or “I have anxiety.” You may feel troubled when your child says this, but for most teens this has become a common part of their communication with one another and does not necessarily indicate a mental health diagnosis.

Adults tend to express anxiety by saying, “I am stressed.” All of us have been conditioned through television, social media, and other sources to think anxiety may be a symptom of mental illness that a medical professional must address.

Anxiety Can Be OK

We are trying desperately to avoid anxiety, but if you are alive, you are going to experience anxious feelings from time to time. We need to teach our children that feeling anxiety is okay and it is a normal part of the human condition.

Remember a movie about Gremlins, fictional creatures that grew exponentially in the right conditions?  Anxiety can be a Gremlin with a propensity to grow if fed the proper diet.

Anxiety for teens can express itself in different ways.

  • physical complaints, such as head or stomach ache.
  • trouble sleeping
  • avoidance of activities or people

This can all be NORMAL behavior especially during the teenage years.

Handling Anxiety

If your child is telling you they feel anxious, here are things you can do to help

Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels.com,
Explore the source  

A conversation with your child allows them to tell you why they are feeling anxious. Be careful not to say, “Oh, that’s nothing! When I was your age…etc.” Asking questions like, “Tell me more about how you are feeling” gives your young person the opportunity to open up about their anxieties and fears.

Share your story

Let them know that being anxious is NORMAL , then tell them about times you were nervous at their age and how you overcame that fear.

Help them face their fears

After you find out why they are feeling anxious, you can talk about facing their fears. Let your young person know that adversity (anxiety) can make you stronger as you face your fears.

Tell them you believe they are capable and competent. Fear is an opportunity for them to grow in new ways even though the experience may be uncomfortable for a season.

Desensitization

Is there a way to expose your child to what they fear in a modified format until they are more comfortable? For instance, if they are nervous about going to high school, call the school and tour the facility before the first day of school.

Finding a non-threatening way to expose your child to the things they fear can help them process their feelings.

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com
Allow them to problem-solve

 Be careful not to helicopter in and fix stressful situations for your child. (There can be exceptions to this rule, but situations where you need to intervene are far less common.) Kids might see themselves as “broken’ and “not up to the task.”

Remember the teenage years (starting in middle school) are critically important when a young person begins to form their identity. They need to work out their problems with their friends, and teachers.

Your child will become competent as they sort their way through life and figure out what works and what doesn’t. That will require some anxiety on their behalf and yours!

Learning from anxiety

Parents must develop a tolerance for their child’s anxiety. We must let go so our children find their way in difficult circumstances. This can take amazing self-control, but our children benefit as they learn they can successfully face life challenges.

Paula’s book is also available at this link on Amazon.

Exploring the HEART of Health

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This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

Dr. Aletha

Will fewer guns reduce firearm deaths? Insights from Gun Ownership Study

In September 2024, a second attempt on Donald Trump’s life was made in Florida, but he remained unharmed. A study by Oregon Health & Science University found that gun prevalence, not mental illness, is driving the high rate of firearm deaths in the U.S. Suicide accounts for most firearm deaths in Oregon. Countries that reduce gun ownership have lowered their firearm death rates. In the U.S., legislation to restrict gun ownership faces resistance. The study emphasizes the need to reduce gun prevalence to decrease firearm death rates. It also highlights the importance of safe storage to prevent access to firearms, especially in households with children.

“For the second time in just over two months a man armed with a rifle attempted to assassinate Donald Trump. A Secret Service agent spotted a man with a gun at Trump’s golf course in West Palm Beach, Fla., and fired at him before the man could hit anyone. Trump was unharmed, and the police arrested a suspect.” from The New York Times, Monday, September 16, 2024

Photo by Tom Jackson on Pexels.com (illustration only)

I had already started this post when this incident happened on September 15, 2024. This is the second time Mr. Trump has been a target of gun violence, the first time wounding him and killing two innocent bystanders.

I have written before about the epidemic of injuries and deaths due to gun violence. Whether it’s one person injured in a domestic altercation or a single shooter causing mass casualties, we see far too many of these episodes. They should never happen.

Everyone believes we need a solution but can’t agree on what. Do too many people have guns or do the wrong people have guns, or both?

I found this article interesting and wanted to share it with you. It is from an email newsletter I receive from Oklahoma Voice. Oklahoma Voice provides independent, nonpartisan reporting and is part of States Newsroom, the nation’s largest state-focused nonprofit news organization.

The article reviews a study done at Oregon Health and Science University looking at how gun ownership and mental illness are related to gun violence.

Study finds prevalence of firearms is driving soaring gun deaths in U.S. – not mental illness 

by Ben Botkin, Oklahoma Voice
September 12, 2024

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 for free, immediate support 24/7.

The prevalence of firearms in the U.S. – not mental illness – is driving the surge in gun deaths across the country, a new study concludes.

The research led by an Oregon Health & Science University professor looked at mental health conditions and firearm deaths in the U.S. and 40 other countries. It found the U.S. had 20 times more deaths by firearms than the other countries even when rates of mental illness were the same.

“We have the same degree of mental health issues as other countries, but our firearm death rate is far greater and continuing to increase. In most of the countries, firearms deaths are decreasing.”

Dr. Archie Bleyer, a clinical research professor at OHSU and lead author of the study

Other researchers have looked at mental illness and gun ownership but this study is the first to include this many countries.

Bleyer’s findings, published in the journal PLOS One, challenge the common assumption that mental health disorders are to blame for the high rate of firearm deaths in the U.S., which have risen 23% since 2000 while dropping 27% in other countries.

Bleyer, a pediatric oncologist, dug into the issue after his 12-year-old grandson’s classmate died by a firearm. He said he knew the boy’s mother and her son “left a note and used the gun, but didn’t need to die because he had a bad day.”

“her son left a note and used the gun, but didn’t need to die because he had a bad day.”

Dr. Bleyer, pediatric oncologist

Suicides account for most firearm deaths in Oregon, and young people often are the victims. In 2022, 488 people died from suicide by firearm in Oregon, according to Oregon Health Authority statistics. 127 of them were people under age 35. Another 161 people died in firearm-related homicides.

Overall, 674 people died of firearms in Oregon in 2022, including accidents and interactions with police.

The study found that policies on gun ownership can reduce firearm deaths. Countries that have decreased the number of guns owned by residents reduced their firearm death rates. These include Switzerland, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Israel.

In Australia, the government drove down the rate of gun ownership with a government program that purchased firearms from gun owners. Other countries limit the number of firearms an individual can own or ban assault weapons.

In the United States, Congress has struggled to enact legislation cracking down on gun ownership, with strong resistance from gun rights activists and many Republicans.

Two years ago, following the mass school shooting of 19 students and 2 others in Uvalde, Texas, Congress passed a law to expand background checks for gun buyers. And in August 2024 a law banning “ghost guns,” which are untraceable, took effect in Oregon.

Bleyer said decreasing the number of firearms in the country is critical to stemming gun deaths. He noted that the U.S. has 4% of the world’s population, but almost one-quarter of the world’s firearms, and half of all non-military assault weapons are in the U.S.

Actions that reduce the level of gun ownership will help reduce the deaths that are linked to suicides and accidents, he said.

“By reducing prevalence, we should be able to reduce the firearm death rate,” he said.

Another issue is the ease of access to firearms, especially for households with children. He and other experts recommend safe storage devices that can deter people.

“Even though parents more often than not think their gun is locked and their children do not know where it is or how to unlock it, they’re usually wrong,” Bleyer said. “More often than not, when tested, their children know where it is, how to get into it and they often will play with it when their parents are gone.”

At the same time, Bleyer stressed his study doesn’t change the mental health crisis and lack of treatment that plagues Oregon and other states.

“We do have significant mental health problems, there is no doubt about that,” he said. “We don’t have enough mental health providers, facilities, treatments. It’s the way that we have facilitated killing ourselves that leads to death with firearms where we take this to the extreme.”

Other contributors to this study are Dr. Stuart Siegel, of the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California; Dr. Jaime Estrada, of Texas Doctors for Social Responsibility; and Dr. Charles R. Thomas Jr. of Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth and previous chair of the Department of Radiation Medicine in the OHSU School of Medicine.

 
 
 

Oklahoma Voice is part of States Newsroom, a nonprofit news network supported by grants and a coalition of donors as a 501c(3) public charity. Oklahoma Voice maintains editorial independence. Contact Editor Janelle Stecklein for questions: info@oklahomavoice.com. Follow Oklahoma Voice on Facebook and X.

This article is published under Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

Exploring the HEART of Health

If you or a loved one have experienced gun violence my heart aches for you. I desperately want our nation to address this unacceptable problem. Whether or not you have experienced it, the best solution is to be prepared.

Review this previous post to learn how to survive if you are threatened with gun violence.

How to survive an active shooter

Shootings in the United States have resulted in numerous casualties across diverse demographics. An active shooter poses a significant threat, necessitating preparedness. The recommended response includes three strategies: RUN to safety, HIDE if escape is impossible, and FIGHT as a last resort. Prioritizing personal and collective safety is crucial.

Keep reading

I’d love for you to follow this blog. I share information and inspiration to help you turn health challenges into health opportunities.

Add your name to the subscribe box to be notified of new posts by email. Click the link to read the post and browse other content. It’s that simple. No spam.

I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha