Tag: parenting

YOUR KID DID WHAT? -a book review

“Your Kid Did What?” by Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC, is a candid memoir and guide for parents facing unexpected challenges with their children’s choices. Through personal experiences, Paula offers practical strategies and faith-based insights for coping with difficult situations, emphasizing self-care, establishing boundaries, and seeking support.

YOUR KID DID WHAT?

Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough

By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC

Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.

Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.

Paula’s personal story

Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.

In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.

She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.

She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.

Paula’s insights and recommendations

In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.

She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.

“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”

In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.

Written with a Faith-based Perspective

This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.

Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link

A Personal Connection

Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.

I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”

I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.

  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
  • Be willing to adapt and change.
  • Be prepared for difficult conversations.
  • Listen to the Lord.

Early In the book she writes

I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.

These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.

We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.

The author-Paula Lau

Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.

Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.

In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.

Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.

Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.

Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.

Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.

Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.

You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com

Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL

Printed by Camden House Books

Distributed by getmynewbook.com

Sources for Scripture

In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.

YouVersion

Exploring the HEART of Health

Thanks for reading this post and for sharing. If you don’t need this help, likely someone you know does.

This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

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Honoring Fatherhood: Lessons from the Prodigal Son Story

In the United States, Father’s Day is celebrated on the third Sunday in June. A biblical story about a father and his two sons illustrates the concept of forgiveness and celebration. The “lost son,” also known as the prodigal son, represents someone who leaves and then returns, seeking forgiveness. The passage encourages honoring important father figures in our lives and embracing the role of a nurturing figure for others.

In the United States, we celebrate and honor fathers on the third Sunday in June, Father’s Day. However, it hasn’t always been popular, because men

“scoffed at the holiday’s sentimental attempts to domesticate manliness with flowers and gift-giving, or they derided the proliferation of such holidays as a commercial gimmick to sell more products–often paid for by the father himself.”

history.com

When World War II began, advertisers insisted that celebrating Father’s Day honored American troops and supported the war effort. By the war’s end Father’s Day was a national institution and in 1972 became a national holiday.

The Prodigal Son

In the Bible, Jesus told a story about a father with two sons who chose different paths in life. He said,

“There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, ‘Father, I want right now what’s coming to me.’

So the father divided the property between them. It wasn’t long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country.

man in jeans standing in a path
photo from Lightstock.com

From property to pigs

There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to feel it.

He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corn cobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any. That brought him to his senses. He said,

Pigs graze on farm in countryside of Badajoz, Extremadura.
Pigs graze on farm in countryside of Badajoz, Extremadura.

Hunger for home

‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. I’ll say to him, Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.’

He got right up and went home to his father.

Faithful Father

When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech:

‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’

But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants,

‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a prize-winning heifer and roast it.

We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’

And they began to have a wonderful time.

Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Sulking service

All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day’s work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him,

‘Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound.’

The older brother stomped off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. The son said,

‘Look how many years I’ve stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!’

Let’s celebrate!

His father said, ‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate.

This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!’”

THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved. Used by permission of NavPress. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers.

exploring the HEART of healthy families 

The young man who left home in this story, the “lost son”, is sometimes called the prodigal son.

A prodigal is a son/daughter who leaves his or her parents to do things that they do not approve of but then feels sorry and returns home —often used figuratively

merriam-webster.com

You may not have a father who nurtured you, but I hope you can think of someone who played a similar role in your life-another relative, teacher, coach, pastor, or maybe employer. Please find a way to thank and honor that person. When you have an opportunity to “father” someone who needs it, I hope you will. There are a lot of “prodigals” out there.

                 

Both of my sons are fathers. One is the father of a teenager, the other has toddlers. They both learned the art of fatherhood from their dad, my husband.

I’d love for you to follow this blog. I share information and inspiration to help you turn health challenges into health opportunities.

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I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha

Meet the author of The Message at this post