YOUR KID DID WHAT? -a book review

“Your Kid Did What?” by Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC, is a candid memoir and guide for parents facing unexpected challenges with their children’s choices. Through personal experiences, Paula offers practical strategies and faith-based insights for coping with difficult situations, emphasizing self-care, establishing boundaries, and seeking support.

YOUR KID DID WHAT?

Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough

By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC

Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.

Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.

Paula’s personal story

Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.

In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.

She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.

She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.

Paula’s insights and recommendations

In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.

She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.

“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”

In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.

Written with a Faith-based Perspective

This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.

Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link

A Personal Connection

Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.

I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”

I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.

  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
  • Be willing to adapt and change.
  • Be prepared for difficult conversations.
  • Listen to the Lord.

Early in the book she writes

I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.

These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.

We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.

The author-Paula Lau

Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.

Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.

In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.

Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.

Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.

Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.

Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.

Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.

You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com

Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL

Printed by Camden House Books

Distributed by getmynewbook.com

Sources for Scripture

In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.

YouVersion

Exploring the HEART of Health

Thanks for reading this post and for sharing. If you don’t need this help, likely someone you know does.

This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

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Awesome August

August is a busy month despite the absence of major holidays in the US. It marks the start of the academic year and the Olympic Games. In this post I reminisce about starting medical school in August and witnessing changes in the field. Then I discuss the Democratic National Convention and the Paralympic Games.

updated August 26, 2024

August is an exception among months. It has no major or federal holidays in the United States. Although the temperatures still feel hot and muggy, many students and teachers return to school and college for the “fall” semester.

If you planned to buy a new swimsuit it’s too late. If you need a new winter coat, they’re available, if you want to try one on when it’s 95 degrees outside. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas merchandise are already on sale.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I started medical school in August

My first day as an MS1, first-year medical student, was August 24, 1974. After four arduous years I graduated, completed a three-year residency in Family Medicine, board-certified, and practiced for 41 years.

Today medical schools hold a White Coat Ceremony for incoming students but not then. But I was still proud to don my white coat and follow residents and attendings around the hospital.

One day a week we were sent off campus to a private doctor’s office to observe and “shadow” them. I watched a family physician interact with a wide variety of patients he treated as friends. That’s when I fell in love with Family Medicine.

Years later we practiced in the same medical group. Since I had been there first, he called me his “senior partner”. But to me, he was forever my mentor. He practiced well into his seventies, then was injured in a serious auto accident and never practiced again.

These are the only photos of me in the yearbook. I don’t think I knew there would be a yearbook. I didn’t socialize much so that must explain my absence.I wonder how they accumulated enough photos since no one had cameras on their phones then.

With that hair and jumper, I definitely look like a ’70s girl. I’ve changed and so has the Health Sciences Center; when I visit now, I hardly know my way around, with new structures and name changes.

Medicine has changed a great deal since then, and perhaps the biggest change is the increased number and percentage of women in medicine. In my class of 150 students, 25 of us were women. In the average medical school class today, that number would be 75 or more-at least half.

There are still more men than women practicing medicine. It will take a few more years to catch up as older male physicians retire and more young women physicians begin practice. I have enjoyed more female colleagues as our numbers increased over the past 40 years.

My school, the University of Oklahoma, now holds a White Coat Ceremony. Several weeks before, they ask us alumni to write a note offering advice to a student. They print it on a card and place it in the coat’s pocket.

I don’t remember exactly what I wrote. I congratulate them for getting this far and welcome them as a future colleague. I tell them all the hard work will be worthwhile because what they do is valuable. I don’t tell them it won’t always be recognized and appreciated.

I don’t know if the school includes our name on the card, but probably not. I have never heard from one of them. I always wonder if they find my advice helpful.

Why women physicians are good for health care

The first woman graduate of a United States medical school was born in Bristol England in 1821. Elizabeth Blackwell came to this country as a child and originally had no interest in medicine. But when a dying friend told her, “I would have been spared suffering if a woman had been my doctor”, she found…

Keep reading

The Olympics concluded on August 11

Most of the Olympic events occurred in August so we watched many of our favorite events, although they don’t all get equal broadcast time.

The Olympic Games remind me of my trip to Greece. I saw the Panathenaic Stadium, site of the first Olympic games in Athens.

The Panathenaic Stadium was built for the first modern Olympic Games in 1896 in Athens, Greece. It is the only stadium in the world made completely of marble.

In 330 BC a stadium was built at this site for the games of the Panathenaea. It fell into disuse with the rise of Christianity and eventually most of the site was destroyed and forgotten.

After archaeological evidence of the stadium was uncovered in the 1830s, the site was excavated in 1870. In 1895 the new stadium was built there to hold the 1896 Olympics.

From the Panathenaic Stadium, the Olympic flame is officially passed to the host country of each Olympic Games. It continues to be used for sporting events and functions.

click on any photo to start a slideshow

A unique archaeological monument, a living symbol of the ancient and modern heritage of sport and the Olympic Games.

PANATHENAIC STADIUM

The Democratic National Convention-August 19

The Democratic National Convention was held August 19-22, 2024 in Chicago, Illinois.

On July 21, 2024, by letter, President Biden informed the nation that he was withdrawing from his reelection campaign. This marks the first time in 50 years that a sitting president did not run for reelection. (And I remember that time also. Do you know which President it was?)

Chicago skyline from Lake Michigan with Navy Pier in foreground
Chicago city skyline and Navy Pier from a boat on Lake Michigan-photo by Dr. Aletha

President Biden and other Democratic leaders endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris who accepted the nomination. She chose Tim Walz, Governor of Minnesota as her running mate.

The Paralympics begin on August 28

We are not done with international sports competitions yet. The Paralympic Games begin on August 28, 2024, in Paris and conclude in September.

The word “Paralympic” derives from the Greek preposition “para” (beside or alongside) and the word “Olympic”.

Paralympics are the parallel games to the Olympics showing how the two movements exist side-by-side.

Sport for athletes with an impairment has existed for more than 100 years. It was widely introduced after World War II to assist injured veterans and civilians.

On September 22, 1989, the International Paralympic Committee was founded as an international non-profit organization to act as the global governing body of the Paralympic Movement.

The Paralympics reminds me of my late friend Bob who walked with crutches. As a boy, he was left paralyzed due to a bout of polio, before the vaccine was available. But that did not stop him from living a full life.

Bob’s wife, a medical assistant, worked in my clinic. We also attended the same church so I knew him and their three children. Despite his limited walking, Bob learned to bowl and did so competitively, winning several tournaments. He unfortunately passed in middle age of unrelated causes and his family misses him sorely.

You’ll enjoy this video about the Evolution of the Paralympic Games from the official Paralympics YouTube page.

Exploring the HEART of Health

The last President to resign without running for reelection was Lyndon Johnson, in 1968. Did you guess correctly?

I’d love for you to follow this blog. I share information and inspiration to help you transform challenges into opportunities for learning and growth.

Add your name to the subscribe box to be notified of new posts by email. Click the link to read the post and browse other content. It’s that simple. No spam.

I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha

A tour of the U.S. Olympic Training Center, Colorado Springs, Colorado

A visit to the United States Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs showcases the dedication and resilience of Olympic and Paralympic athletes. Promoting physical activity, it emphasizes the health benefits of exercise, while sharing the “Winning Attitudes” and determination exhibited by champions. The center inspires a commitment to personal excellence and perseverance.

Keep reading

Cover Photo

The Bizell Memorial Library on the University of Oklahoma campus in Norman Oklahoma. Photographer-Dr. Aletha