YOUR KID DID WHAT?
Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough
By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC
Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.
Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.
Paula’s personal story
Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.
In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.
She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.
She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.
Paula’s insights and recommendations
In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.
She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.
“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”
In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.
Written with a Faith-based Perspective
This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.
Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link
A Personal Connection
Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.
I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”
I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.
- Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
- Be willing to adapt and change.
- Be prepared for difficult conversations.
- Listen to the Lord.
Early In the book she writes
I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.
These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.
We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.
The author-Paula Lau
Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.
Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.
In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.
Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.
Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.
Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.
Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.
Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.
You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com
Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL
Printed by Camden House Books
Distributed by getmynewbook.com
Sources for Scripture
In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.
YouVersion
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