Tag: Paula Lau

Effective Strategies for Parenting Anxious Kids and Teens

In “Your Kid Did What?” Paula Lau discusses navigating parenting challenges. In this post I share her insights on anxiety, a normal part of life, especially for teens. Parents should engage in open conversations, share personal experiences, and allow children to face their fears to foster resilience.

In a recent post, I reviewed a new book, Your Kid Did What? by licensed counselor Paula Lau, LPC.

In the book subtitled “Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough” Paula revealed her anguish when faced with an unexpected life choice by her adult son. She shared how she used her Christian faith and training as a professional counselor to regain peace of mind and hope for the future.

Paula has been sharing parenting insights on Facebook and Instagram and she writes articles for local publications. I am sharing information from one of those articles with her permission in this post.

Paula Lau at a book signing

Adapted from The Anxiety Beast

by Paula M. Lau, LPC

It is not unusual to hear kids say they are “anxious” or “I have anxiety.” You may feel troubled when your child says this, but for most teens this has become a common part of their communication with one another and does not necessarily indicate a mental health diagnosis.

Adults tend to express anxiety by saying, “I am stressed.” All of us have been conditioned through television, social media, and other sources to think anxiety may be a symptom of mental illness that a medical professional must address.

Anxiety Can Be OK

We are trying desperately to avoid anxiety, but if you are alive, you are going to experience anxious feelings from time to time. We need to teach our children that feeling anxiety is okay and it is a normal part of the human condition.

Remember a movie about Gremlins, fictional creatures that grew exponentially in the right conditions?  Anxiety can be a Gremlin with a propensity to grow if fed the proper diet.

Anxiety for teens can express itself in different ways.

  • physical complaints, such as head or stomach ache.
  • trouble sleeping
  • avoidance of activities or people

This can all be NORMAL behavior especially during the teenage years.

Handling Anxiety

If your child is telling you they feel anxious, here are things you can do to help

Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels.com,
Explore the source  

A conversation with your child allows them to tell you why they are feeling anxious. Be careful not to say, “Oh, that’s nothing! When I was your age…etc.” Asking questions like, “Tell me more about how you are feeling” gives your young person the opportunity to open up about their anxieties and fears.

Share your story

Let them know that being anxious is NORMAL , then tell them about times you were nervous at their age and how you overcame that fear.

Help them face their fears

After you find out why they are feeling anxious, you can talk about facing their fears. Let your young person know that adversity (anxiety) can make you stronger as you face your fears.

Tell them you believe they are capable and competent. Fear is an opportunity for them to grow in new ways even though the experience may be uncomfortable for a season.

Desensitization

Is there a way to expose your child to what they fear in a modified format until they are more comfortable? For instance, if they are nervous about going to high school, call the school and tour the facility before the first day of school.

Finding a non-threatening way to expose your child to the things they fear can help them process their feelings.

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com
Allow them to problem-solve

 Be careful not to helicopter in and fix stressful situations for your child. (There can be exceptions to this rule, but situations where you need to intervene are far less common.) Kids might see themselves as “broken’ and “not up to the task.”

Remember the teenage years (starting in middle school) are critically important when a young person begins to form their identity. They need to work out their problems with their friends, and teachers.

Your child will become competent as they sort their way through life and figure out what works and what doesn’t. That will require some anxiety on their behalf and yours!

Learning from anxiety

Parents must develop a tolerance for their child’s anxiety. We must let go so our children find their way in difficult circumstances. This can take amazing self-control, but our children benefit as they learn they can successfully face life challenges.

Paula’s book is also available at this link on Amazon.

Exploring the HEART of Health

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This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

Dr. Aletha

YOUR KID DID WHAT? -a book review

“Your Kid Did What?” by Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC, is a candid memoir and guide for parents facing unexpected challenges with their children’s choices. Through personal experiences, Paula offers practical strategies and faith-based insights for coping with difficult situations, emphasizing self-care, establishing boundaries, and seeking support.

YOUR KID DID WHAT?

Strategies for Reclaiming Joy When Parenting Gets Tough

By Paula M. Lau, LPC, LADC

Your Kid Did What? by Paula Lau licensed professional counselor is a candid memoir and expert guide for parents who get “slapped in the face” by a child’s unexpected and challenging life choices.

Even in the best circumstances, children may choose lifestyles or behaviors parents don’t understand or approve of. Parents feel disappointed, angry, or even fearful for their child’s choices. They wonder what they did wrong or did not do right, and spiral into denial, blame, and rejection.

Paula’s personal story

Paula felt unprepared for her family’s struggle, and as she attempted to fix the situation she made missteps that made things worse and later regretted. She felt isolated and alone when some of her Christian friends offered little if any support or just withdrew.

In her role as a professional counselor, Paula had seen this happen to others, but when it happened to her and her husband she was surprised at the emotions it stirred up. After a time of anguish and soul searching, she realized the only way to deal with her pain was to turn to God with her Christian faith.

She needed a path forward into acceptance, so she sought answers by reading the Bible, praying, and listening to Christian music. She also applied the same psychological principles she skillfully uses with clients and students.

She shared her insights by teaching a class at her church leading to the idea of a book. She felt God directing her to be discreet in what she revealed about her family’s experience and to ask for and receive her son’s permission to share the story that involves him.

Paula’s insights and recommendations

In her book, Paula describes what happens when parents meet the unexpected challenge of a “prodigal” child, a “frightening detour”, issues like sexuality, school dropout, substance use, unhealthy relationships, rejection of faith, or legal problems. Parents may cope with denial, blame-shifting, magical thinking, and a martyrdom complex, all counterproductive.

She provides strategies for dealing with fear, negative thinking, and anxiety. She urges practical self-care like sleep and exercise. She recommends physical, emotional, and mental boundaries and explains how to set them.

“Our emotions are often indicators of a deeper internal struggle that may not yet be verbal. We may not be able to voice the realization our boundaries are being violated, but our feelings will alert us something is wrong. We can experience internal discomfort.”

In each chapter, Paula provides questions for self-reflection with space to record your insights. Each chapter concludes with a suggested Bible reading, a prayer, and a song by a Christian music artist.

Written with a Faith-based Perspective

This book is unapologetically Christian faith-based but does not disparage other faiths or no faith. If you share her Christian worldview, you will appreciate how Paula combines that with a psychological framework for dealing with trauma. Others can still benefit from her insights and professional expertise. You may choose to look further into the source of her faith.

Read an excerpt from Your Kid Did What? at this link

A Personal Connection

Paula and I attend the same church so I have known her for several years. I have felt her kindness and generosity. She did not ask me to review her book but gave me a complimentary PDF copy when I offered.

I talked to her about her book and asked a few questions. She writes that God “revealed” things to her. She explained she hears from God through the Bible or sermons, and occasionally something she “feels deep within.”

I asked Paula what she wanted readers to take from her book. She said there’s no “5-step” formula to dealing with these situations. But she offered these suggestions.

  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted person.
  • Be willing to adapt and change.
  • Be prepared for difficult conversations.
  • Listen to the Lord.

Early In the book she writes

I endeavor to help you build a sturdy foundation on which to stand as you move forward, despite what life throws at you.

These activities can strengthen you in the worst times and bring transformation when you thought it was impossible.

We need these outcomes in any challenging situation no matter the source. I personally found Paula’s book helpful and insightful and I believe you will also.

The author-Paula Lau

Paula M. Lau is a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Doane University and a master’s in Christian Counselling from Oral Roberts University. She has worked as a private therapist and at mental health agencies.

Now Paula serves as a crisis and referral counselor for middle and high school students at Jenks Public Schools, one of the largest school districts in Oklahoma.

In that capacity, she has responded to multiple crises at the schools involving student and staff deaths over the past 15 years, providing staff support and resources to families in the community.

Paula’s roles include assessing and counseling students and their families regarding depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide risk. She also consults for substance abuse education classes and referrals for counseling.

Paula has written articles and curricula about substance abuse and mental health issues. She received the Vision of Excellence Award for her outstanding contributions to the Jenks Public School District.

Paula serves on the Women’s Ministry team at her church. She lives in Tulsa Oklahoma with her husband Rick and one sweet, American bulldog. They have three adult sons.

Paula enjoys speaking at church, business, community, and school events.

Find Paula on her website paulalau.com and Instagram @healthyperspectiveswithPaula.

You can reach her at paula.lau02@gmail.com

Your Kid Did What? is published by Lisa D. Vest, Melbourne, FL

Printed by Camden House Books

Distributed by getmynewbook.com

Sources for Scripture

In Your Kid Did What? Paula used Scripture from the New Living Translation (NLT) and the New King James Version (NKJV) translations of the Bible. You can read these and other Bible translations free at this link, also available as an app.

YouVersion

Exploring the HEART of Health

Thanks for reading this post and for sharing. If you don’t need this help, likely someone you know does.

This post is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental or emotional disorder. Seek help from a mental health professional if you or your family have concerns about these issues.

I’d love for you to follow this blog. I share information and inspiration to help you turn health challenges into health opportunities.

Add your name to the subscribe box to be notified of new posts by email. Click the link to read the post and browse other content. It’s that simple. No spam.

I enjoy seeing who is new to Watercress Words. When you subscribe, I will visit your blog or website. Thanks and see you next time.

Dr. Aletha

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